


Is Your Dick Data? Because I'd Like to Put it in My Mouth

by A Caffeinated Crisis (TabbbyWright)



Series: All My OTPs Will Kiss! (VRAINS Rarepair Weeks 2018) [4]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Established Relationship, M/M, Unhygenic mention (Yusaku's bad at cleaning things)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-09 22:17:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17413556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabbbyWright/pseuds/A%20Caffeinated%20Crisis
Summary: Yusaku has two problems: SOL finally patched VRAINS, and Ai has discovered the most beautiful poetry--pick up lines.





	Is Your Dick Data? Because I'd Like to Put it in My Mouth

Of course it would happen that SOL finally decided to upgrade their security the day before he needed to go into VRAINS again. Of _course_ it would happen that the back door he usually used to login was patched over and now he was gonna have to find a new way to break in.

Yusaku had been at it for hours now, and his head was starting to hurt from the eye strain. Maybe he should get some of those computer glasses like Kusanagi kept telling him he should… He sat back in his chair, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. Did he have any medication left? He hoped he did—this wasn’t done and he _needed_ to finish it today. He was lucky that  Ai had been quiet but… Why _had_ Ai been quiet? Yusaku felt a pang of anxiety in his stomach, sharper than the usual ambient kind.

“Ai?” He tapped the duel disk lightly, hoping he hadn’t gotten himself kidnapped again. He had done his best to lock down the duel disk so nothing could get in _or_ out through the network, but honestly, he was no match for the Ignis when it came down to it. He had to rely on Ai to be able to protect himself to one degree or another and well… That was certainly hit or miss.

“Ai?” He tapped the disk again, and this time it lit up and Ai popped out, leaning on his elbows on the edge of the duel disk. Yusaku felt an immediate wave of relief hit him.

“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” Ai asked.

“You haven’t been annoying me today—I was worried.” Yusaku answered, wondering where Ai had picked up _that_ particular greeting.

“You missed me! You love me! You love my presence!” Ai sparkled up at Yusaku, looking far, far too pleased. Yusaku put his hand over the duel disk in response.

“Nevermind. I regret checking on you.”

“Hey!” Ai pushed Yusaku’s hand aside and then slipped out of the duel disk and onto the desk before Yusaku could consider stopping him. The Dark Ignis moved to stand in front of Yusaku’s monitor, crossing his arms indignantly.

“I was busy researching important things.”

“Oh?”

Ai nodded, “ _Very_ important. I was on R*ddit.”

Yusaku frowned. He didn’t frequent the site very often, but good things rarely came from there, though this was probably better than the time Ai found an image board and felt the need to share his discoveries with Yusaku.

“So what exactly did you find?”

“Wonderful things! Beautiful poetry and communications of love and desire!”

“Uh-huh.” Nevermind, this was getting worse by the second.

“You’ll have to wait and see what I learned though—It’s no fun if I tell you everything right now.”

“... Right.” Yusaku turned his attention back to his computer monitor, eyes glazing over the lines of code.

“You should pull up that one cartoon again and take a break.”

“I’m not watching  _Tentacle and Witches_ again.”

**/ / /**

Yusaku’s bathroom was… well, it met the bare minimum requirements for being legally safe and usable, except that “proper ventilation” meant “leaving the bathroom door open.” Not that Yusaku particularly cared—Ai had seen him naked already. Though it was annoying, at times, to get out of the shower and see the Ignis sitting on the edge of his off-color sink.

Like he was right now, with some far too pleased look on his face.

“Hey Yusaku.”

“What?” Yusaku grabbed a towel, drying off his hair and mentally noting that it was getting too long again.

“You have nice legs—what time do they open?”

Yusaku pulled the towel down around his shoulders and stared at Ai blankly.

“Is that your way of asking to have sex with me?”

“Yes! You’re supposed to be smitten by such amazing poetry, and then I have my way with you.”

“I have work to do. No.”

He watched as Ai looked as crushed and sad as he could manage, falling back dramatically and then letting out a startled yelp as he slid down into the sink. Yusaku stood there a moment, watching and waiting until the Ignis’ hand appeared over the edge of the sink, followed by his face, looking quite displeased.

“Your sink is gross.”

“It’s fine.”

“I’m grimy!”

Yusaku sighed and cranked on the sink water.

**/ / /**

“That was _cold!_ Why’d you use cold water?!” Ai glared from within the rag he had wrapped around himself, sitting in Yusaku’s lap at the computer.

“It was not.”

“It was too!” Ai huffed, “You’re so mean.”

Yusaku shrugged and returned to his work. He needed to figure this out and _soon_. It was beyond Kusanagi to figure it out, and Emma wasn’t answering her email. His brain felt like mush but he typed away anyway, trying out something new.

“Hey Yusaku.”

“What?”

“Guess what kind of fruit you’d be.”

“You said I wasn’t sweet enough to be fruit the last time we had this conversation.”

“No, this is a _different_ conversation. Guess!”

“No.”

“You’d be… a _fine_ apple.”

Yusaku abruptly stopped and stared down at the Ignis in his lap and the stupid grin on his face and he couldn’t think of a response to that kind of absurdity at all.

**/ / /**

Ai delivering some kind of weird line to Yusaku seemed to just be… a thing he was doing now. Yusaku didn’t really know what to think—they were bad, but they were definitely the kind of bad that Ai liked a lot. _He_ definitely didn’t seem to think they were bad, given the absolute glee that was on his face after he delivered them.

They were kind of funny, maybe, but mostly they were just dumb. Ai could just fuck him, so why go through these stupid lines at all?

“Hey Yusaku~”

“Spit it out.”

“Are you an array? Because I just wanna push objects into you.”

Yusaku felt himself smile at that—that was bad— _really, specifically bad._ Amusing though—it was a change of pace from all the others, and it was creative.

“Yessssss!” Ai hugged onto Yusaku’s face from his perch on his shoulder.

“What?” Yusaku frowned, “Were you angling for something?”

“You’re stressed out—I wanted to do something for you that would take a load off your shoulders!”

“Hard to do that when you’re sitting on them.”

He heard the Ignis huff indignantly and then felt him press his face into Yusaku’s cheek in the way that Yusaku knew was meant to be a kiss—as much as one could kiss when they didn’t have lips anyway.

“You’re so difficult! But I love you anyway.”

“Sure, you too. Now let me get back to work.”

“Fine, fine~”  


**Author's Note:**

> You could consider this a follow up of sorts to tentacles.txt if you wanted, though it's not necessary to read that to understand this one. 
> 
> This is really rough? I wanted to get it out of my drafts though. I might clean it up more later.


End file.
